A moral accounting

I laid there quietly, waiting for the alarm to go off in twenty minutes. I had time to think. I hate it when I have time to think. Rarely does it accomplish much. But today it did. No Looking Back . . .

I reflected on the past. I guess that’s a common thing to do in quiet times while one is waiting for the present. It played back in my mind the way a VCR would. Images of times past, people that I knew and loved, people that I hurt in many different ways. I knew the outcomes of some, but many I did not. I now know only that I knocked them off the path into the brush to fend for themselves. I remembered people that I thought I had long ago managed to expunge. But they were with me now in my quiet time. I could see the pain I caused them then, but could only guess where it had led them. Then I convinced myself that it was really nothing out of the ordinary and that they surely managed well to heal, as we all heal and get along with life.

What if I had not been so callous? Why did I put myself first? Why do I even care? 

I mentioned earlier that this experience of quiet time accomplished something. It surely did, and it was good. It was the mirror that I hate looking into. It was not the picture of the young man that was set to accomplish much, but rather it was a picture of someone gone wrong and who gave in to his own desires and who damaged a lot of people along the way. It was not a pretty picture, but it was good. Good to realize what I was, and good to recognize what still exsists.

It took awhile to shake it off, but I did. I realized, finally, that I am a forgiven sinner. I realized,  by the grace of God, that I am still loved in spite of my selfishness and in spite of my past. I realize that God has taken the sting out of these accusations, true as they might be, and covered them with His righteousness, never to be seen again, except maybe in my own guilty conscience.

What I was confronted with this morning was a full frontal attack of the law. It did it’s job and put me to death, if only for awhile. Did the devil bring this on? Maybe. Maybe he and I were in on it together. But I know there was no life in it…only death.

But my Lord has defeated death. He did so on the cross, and He did so for me in my baptism. As He has also done for you in your baptism.

Now that is the truth about me. And that’s the truth about you. Because He has said so in His Word. And that is enough.

Thanks be to God!

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13 Responses

  1. “I sat alone in the dark one night, tuning in by remote
    I found a preacher who spoke of the light but there was brimstone in his throat
    He’d show me the way according to him in return for my personal check
    I flipped my channel back to CNN and I lit another cigarette

    I take my chances, forgiveness doesn’t come with a debt”.

    Mary Chapin-Carpenter.

  2. Opps! – that above comment was meant for the mega church blog (safely there now, so please delete/ignore the above).

    What I mean to say here was…

    Recall the Sons of Korah, dear friend –
    who, passing through the valley of weeping, find comfort in their hearts
    as the dwell upon once more finding themselves in the house of God –
    He is both our sun and our shield.

  3. Nice one, Howard!

    Thanks!

  4. Howard,

    It works on either post! Funny how the truth does that.

  5. *It took awhile to shake it off, but I did. I realized, finally, that I am a forgiven sinner. I realized, by the grace of God, that I am still loved in spite of my selfishness and in spite of my past.*

    Beautiful……..Amen.

    I have oft been there in that quiet time reflecting on all the people I have hurt/emotionally abused and taken advantage of before I was saved. I was a man of the world and took no prisoners; I left them all to die or fade away, no cares.

    But I came to the same point a few years back (I was saved/born-again at 33 and now closing in on 50), a few years after God found me. I am a forgiven sinner and God loves me in spite of my former ways.

    Sometimes I run into someone from the past and I do my best to ask for their forgiveness and then I tell them what God has done for me since then.

    What a mighty God we serve!

  6. Thanks Wayne,

    “Sometimes I run into someone from the past and I do my best to ask for their forgiveness and then I tell them what God has done for me since then.

    What a mighty God we serve! ”

    Amen Wayne!

    I appreciate you sharing with me that I am not the only one that caused a train wreck in the past.

    I suspect that there are a few more than just us two.

    God uses it all…he wastes nothing.

    – Steve

  7. Hey but ! … I mean I ……I never…..well at least,…..

    God help me,………….

  8. Brent,

    You too, huh? Guilty as charged.
    You may go now. Christ has set you free.

  9. Thanks be to God for His Gospel gift! Great post, Steve.

  10. Dan,

    “Thanks be to God for His Gospel gift!”

    Amen Dan! Thanks be to God, indeed!

    – Steve

  11. Steve,

    You sound like some of the men in the Bible that God used in a mighty way, to share His Word. 😉

  12. Magdalene,

    Thanks! But I think there might be other creatures in the Bible to describe me… like Balem’s _ _ _ for instance.:D

  13. It’s amazing

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