‘A Proper Diagnosis’…

xmas2005 PICT1047A startling medical discovery was made 52 years ago today by Doctor Swami Jenkins Ali  MD, of Hemet, California.

I would never have known of this debilitating degenerative condition, otherwise known as LMD, had it not been for some old medical journals that were piled up in the corner of my garage.

Doctor Ali wrote about his findings, the result of 36 years of intensive physiological and physcological lab work on 11 individuals from Barstow, CA.

These men (all but 2), were commonly referred to as “the Barstow 9“.

The Barstow 9 were studied at length, in isolation for a period of 3 weeks in an old abandoned fertilizer storage shed somewhere in the Mojave Desert. The exact location is still classified as Top Secret and is not subject to the Freedom of Information Act of 1976.

According to the Journal of Chiropractic and Toenail Health (March 27th issue, 1955) LMD or Lazy Man’s Disorder, was deemed to be a real, degenerative condition that affects 2 in 3 males over 8 years of age.

I read further, and what I found shocked me.

Here are some of Dr. Swami Jenkins Ali’s findings :

Most of the Barstow 9 (except the two gals) would not readily get up in the morning and get to their appointed tasks without some sort of grumbling. All of the “B 9” males were oblivious to the needs of others around them. They all exhibited a desire to flop on the couch and watch football, and then re-runs of football and war movies until it was time to go to bed.

None of the “B 9” would actually prepare the food that was placed in close proximity to them, but rather waited for the two women to do it (very interesting).

Every one of the “B-9” refused to go near a bucket of paint and a brush even though it was made clear that if they did not paint the shed where they resided that they would all be subject to torture and death.  (the two women painted the shed)

I dropped the magazine in horror. This is what I had. I was a victim of LMD!

I gave the article to my wife to read and she agreed with me 100%.

I am now in the process (at least I will be when I get around to it) of trying to learn how to live with my LMD.  Thanks to Dr. Swami J. Ali,  I finally am aware that it is not my fault.

I have a disease. 

I do not want to accept the fact that I have it. I do not want to join a support group.  I have learned that beer exacerbates the symptoms (but it tastes good), and there is no known cure for the disorder.

I  know what it is to be a victim. My heart goes out to all you other guys out there with LMD. I will be praying for you (if I can get around to it).

             – Steve